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]]>Singing at my own wedding
Overcoming my own obstacles to be able to sing to my husband at our wedding
I never thought I’d be singing at my own wedding. When people asked me about it, I always said “Oh no, that’s too much pressure! I’d prefer to not be in performance mode on my own wedding day.” I had every excuse in the book as to why it wasn’t something I wanted to do. But when I actually got married, it became very clear to me that it was something very important to me. Singing is the way I communicate my emotions, and I knew I couldn’t say what I needed to just with words. I’d like to share my story with you, so that hopefully you too can find the confidence to sing for a significant occasion. Spoiler alert: it’s not about a perfect performance.
1. The inner voice telling me I couldn't do it
I told myself so many reasons why I couldn't sing at my own wedding. I convinced myself it wasn't possible.
I’ve sung at weddings before. Many times, actually. It’s a very emotional occasion to perform for, and I consider it an absolute privilege to bring something extra special to a couple’s wedding day. But because of this experience, I was sure I couldn’t do it for my own wedding. In no particular order, these were my main worries:
Warming up
I worried about being too busy to warm up and ‘prepare’ on the day – I thought I knew enough about weddings to know that I would be very busy on the day of the wedding. Getting ready takes a lot of time, and I’d be surrounded by my close family and friends whom I’d want to spend time with. And performing without warming up? Without going over my words, or test-running the backing track? Inconceivable!
The Dress
I worried about not being able to sing easily in my dress. I don’t like singing in outfits that are very tight/restrictive to the ribcage. We were always told how important it was for the breath to be free. But I chose a wedding dress that was exactly that – tight around the ribcage with not much wiggle room for deep breathing! (It had a stunning open back and V neckline that I LOVED, which seemed more important!).
The Emotion
Being overcome with emotion was a big fear. You know that feeling when you’re holding back emotion, and your voice chokes up? It’s really hard to sing with that feeling. I’ve had a couple of family weddings I’ve sung at where I’ve really had to steel myself and shut off my emotion to be able to get through a performance without my voice cracking. I didn’t want to feel like I had to close off my emotions on my own wedding day, but I also fully anticipated that if I felt emotional singing at someone else’s wedding, I would DEFINITELY be emotional at my own wedding!
The Pressure
I was sure that the pressure of singing in front of so many important people would be too much. We originally planned to have a very big wedding, with around 250 guests for the ceremonies.* The thought of singing in front of so many people, on such an important day, and screwing up, was not something I felt great about. I’ve sung to much bigger audiences, but the stakes have never felt so high. This of course says a lot about how much I care what others think, which is a whole other conversation…it’s something I’m working on!
* In France, Church and State are separate, so you have to get married at the town hall first before going on to a second ceremony (if you wish) at a church or other place of worship (or for a non-religious ceremony! Hence, ceremonies plural!
2. Realising how much I wanted to sing at the wedding
Singing is about communicating emotions bigger than words can express
As we got closer to the big day, I started to realise that I needed to sing if I was going to be true to myself on my wedding day.
I’ve always been a singer. I’ve always used song to express emotions that are bigger than I can communicate with words. If a friend has a family death, I’ll send them a song rather than a card. If there’s a new baby, I send a lullaby. When there are family events, I sing a favourite song of the person we’re celebrating. It’s my way of saying, I love you, you’re important to me. So, how could I not sing for my husband?
One day, as I was doing my daily #singforyourself challenge, I realised I’d stumbled across the song I wanted to sing to him. The lyrics were right, and the melody felt so right that even thinking about it now I’m full of a warm glow feeling. (Does music do that to you too? Or is it just me?).
I didn’t know when on the wedding day it would make sense to sing, and I was terrified about doing it so I didn’t tell anyone I was even considering it. But the more I tried to push away the idea, the more it kept coming back.
It was time to address the obstacles, and make it feel like a safe possibility.
3. How changing my mindset made it possible
My view of what singing at my own wedding "should" be was getting in my way
I had this image in my mind of my performing at my own wedding being the same as singing at someone else’s wedding. A certain standard expected, a perfect, well-prepared performance, with a controlled level of emotion. Basically, a ‘professional’ quality, the same as if someone was being paid to perform. It seems silly to write that now, knowing what it ended up being, but I was definitely stuck in this mindset.
However, as I was doing my own #singforyourself challenge during the months leading up to the wedding, I made some really big discoveries that really helped shift my mindset around singing and performance.
Ways I Shifted My Mindset
1. I reconnected with my voice, and started to regain my trust in it that had been damaged through years of competition and comparison. This helped me let go of the need for ‘perfect’ preparation
2. This confidence was built even further by working with a singing teacher (Eryn Street) who encouraged me to sing what I loved, and coached me with a gentle and encouraging hand. We had so much fun exploring different corners of my voice I hadn’t dared to before.
3. I stopped caring so much about ‘perfect’, zero-mistakes, singing. I sang because it made me happy, instead of striving for perfection. Years of academic classical training had sucked this out of me, so this was a big thing to get back.
4. I broke away from the box of thinking that requires a comprehensive warm up with the perfect exercises before performing. I got creative, played with my voice, and got to know it so much better. Instead of expecting my voice to do what other people told me it could or couldn’t do, I learned to trust it to do what I asked it to.
4. The obstacles that went 'poof'
The circumstances around our wedding changed significantly, which made it clear what was important...and made the obstacles seem smaller!
Thanks to the global pandemic (cheers, COVID-19), our wedding changed significantly. My family and bridal party weren’t able to come at all, we were whittled down to 20 guests, and we cancelled our big reception in favour of a lunch on a family farm. It was stressful and hard, and things were constantly changing even up to the last day when it was finally confirmed that we would be allowed to have all our guests at the town hall.
Finding our priorities
All of these challenges made it very clear what was important, and even clearer how important it was for me to sing on the wedding day. To tell him how much I loved him, to tell him that I was literally prepared to do anything (even get married without my family) for him and for us, and that I was ready to commit to our lifetime together. We don’t speak the same mother tongue (he’s French), and music has always been a way we’ve connected when language barriers got in the way. It felt easier to sing than to speak.
Taking charge
I realised that I could make time to warm up – it was my day! I decided that I trusted my voice enough to cope with the restrictive dress. The song I’d chosen is one I’ve known for years and could sing in my sleep. I did practice it with my singing teacher and we talked through a couple of strategies for dealing with a few harder notes. She also reminded me and encouraged me to sing with authentic emotion, even if it meant my voice cracked. You’re allowed to cry at your own wedding! The number of people being so reduced helped me get over my nerves too, and I knew that holding my husband’s hand would be a way to reassure myself if I started to feel overwhelmed.
5. Singing at my own wedding
It wasn't a professional performance...but it wasn't meant to be.
I had grand plans to warm up in the morning before my hair & makeup artist arrived. It didn’t happen – I had time to do about 2 mins of humming and vocal fry. We had music on while we were getting ready, and I sang along and used that as a warm up (see above). I also made sure I was hydrated enough.
When I was dressed, I did a test run with the backing track so the person who needed to press ‘go’ knew what they were doing. I barely made it through the song without melting into a puddle of tears, but it reassured me that my voice was warm enough. It would have to do!
I decided to singing during our civil ceremony. We’d postponed the church wedding, so we chose to exchange our rings at the town hall. When we got to that moment, the music started, and I started singing:
For you, there’ll be no crying (cue ironic voice crack, threatening tears, and a reset…I can do this)
For you, the sun will be shining (big smile, because he’s my sunshine)
Cause I feel that when I’m with you, it’s alright (he squeezed my hand)
I know it’s right (I knew I’d made the right call to sing)
I made it through the whole song, and even gave him his ring and said my words in French during the instrumental between the verses. He joined in singing with me in the second verse, which I wasn’t expecting at all, and it was probably one of my favourite memories of the whole day.
Everyone told me afterwards that it blew them away, and was one of the most perfect moments of the wedding day. It was authentic to us, and to who I am. And it was the best gift I could give to my husband – he was completely surprised!
What I learned about myself
(Because my teacher hat is always on!)
That I can trust my voice because I have spent time getting to know it and learning to ask it to do what I want.
I had practiced, but there’s something about emotion choking you up that throws a lot of that out the window. While I was singing, I followed my instinct about how much support, breath, pressure, volume I needed, and what dynamics I could pull off. It was a lot harder to sing quietly, so I didn’t.
That it is ok to be vulnerable and show raw emotion in a performance – and it won’t ruin it, it’ll make it real.
That I am a lot braver than I thought.
I was more nervous than I think I’ve ever been for a performance. It was really difficult – holding myself together took everything I’ve got. But I did it, and I really enjoyed it. It’s a memory I’ll cherish forever.
Final thoughts
I'm so grateful I found the courage to sing at my own wedding
I enjoyed my wedding day even more because I was true to myself – singer and all – and overcame a huge amount of self-disbelief. My motivation was wanting to gift something special to my husband. I was able to do it through changing my mindset on what I considered to be ‘a performance’, and shifted from a professional to personal attitude, which is what was appropriate for the occasion.
A key aspect of preparing for this was the help of working with a singing teacher. I am a singing teacher myself, but even teachers need teachers! Eryn helped me prepared the song vocally of course, but the real preparation was in my headspace, and she was able to coach me through that too. This is something that is very important to me in my own teaching, and it was an amazing experience to be able to receive this kind of coaching from someone else.
(Is it weird that I’m telling you about another singing teacher? I don’t think so! We have very similar value systems, but we’ve got different strengths, and working with the teacher who’s the right fit for your personality and needs is key).
If singing something special for someone you love is one of your goals, get in touch with me. I would LOVE to help you achieve your goal!
Credits:
All photos by Loic Bourniquel unless otherwise indicated.
The dress: Sally Eagle Bridal
Hair and Makeup: Sabrina from L’Art et La Matière Coiffure Mixte et Conseils
Flowers: Auréline Fleuriste Albi
About the Author
Georgia Aussenac is a Singing Coach specialising in fostering confidence, joy and fun for adults looking to make singing a part of their lives.
Georgia also coaches English-speaking singers and voice teachers on French diction.
With a particular passion for everything vocal health, Georgia offers Vocal SOS coaching to anyone who uses their speaking voice professionally and is struggling to keep up with the demands of their job.
You can work with Georgia online from anywhere in the world, as long as your schedules match up!
Cet article Singing at My Own Wedding est apparu en premier sur GL Voice.
]]>Cet article How to survive a full day rehearsal est apparu en premier sur GL Voice.
]]>8 steps to a perfect rehearsal:
If you’ve ever been part of a big artistic stage project, whether it be theatre, dance, choral, opera, musical theatre and everything in between, you know how long a full day rehearsal can be. I’ve done my fair share of these, and I wanted to share my tips on how best to survive them.
Updated July 2024
Table of Contents
Preparing for the rehearsal
1. Prepare your stuff
First things first, the golden rule of rehearsal: prepare. You and your fellow artists will get much more out of the rehearsal if you turn up prepared for the day. Learn your lines, know your lyrics, revise the blocking…before the rehearsal. If you have done the work in advance, you will enjoy the rehearsal a lot more. You will also not end up in the bad books of your fellow cast members and director, which is a bonus. Trust me on this one.
2. Dress wisely
Rehearsals are not the time to try out your new dress or jumpsuit, or to wear those lovely business trousers you just got last week that fit so perfectly. Dress comfortably, in loose clothes that you can easily move around in. This is particularly important if you will be dancing, but even if you are not, you need to be able to move around the stage and participate in any group warmups without constriction.
3. Bring the right shoes
Make sure your shoes are appropriate too! Some rehearsal spaces have dance floors and you can’t wear your shoes, so be sure to check in advance what the rules are. Some dance shoes if you have them, or some thick socks, will keep your feet happy.
4. Pack food and drink
Often you won’t have time, or there won’t be anywhere nearby, to buy things to eat and drink during the day. Avoid getting caught out by preparing your own lunch and snacks for the day. My favourite rehearsal foods are a sandwich, several pieces of fruit, something sweet like a muffin or some biscuits, cheese & crackers, and some nuts and dried fruit to snack on. Pack plenty of extra snacks – if you don’t eat them all you can always share them. Bringing a thermos with hot water and some tea bags (or filled with coffee if you prefer!) will also be a nice treat part way through the day. Finally, if you bring nothing else, do not forget to bring a water bottle.
5. What’s in your bag?
I always pack my bag the night before to make sure I don’t forget anything. Beyond the extra clothes, shoes, and food and drink, there’s some other essentials you don’t want to miss:
1. Rehearsal equipment
Whether it be your script, your instrument, your sheet music, or anything else you might need, make sure it’s in your bag. It’s always a good idea to have a pencil and eraser with you too, and I like to have a small notebook to write any rehearsal notes in.
2. Extras you have been asked to bring
You may have been asked to bring a piece of costume to show to someone, or a prop. It’s often on these full day rehearsals that the production team is able to sort out some of the details.
3. Something to do when you aren’t rehearsing
It can be a book, some work, a game, a tablet to watch Netflix on (with headphones!)…whatever takes your fancy. Just make sure you’ve got something quiet to do when you’re not required on stage.
4. Emergency Kit
Finally, I always take basics such as tissues, pain relief, lip balm, deodorant, period protection and plasters, just in case.
The rehearsal itself!
6. Arriving at rehearsal
Make sure you know where you are going, and get there on time, if not early. Arriving late to a room full of people glaring at you is not how you want to start your relationship. Work out where everything is, and help set up if you can. Many hands make light work!
7. During the day
Take notes after your rehearse a scene, and if you have any questions that aren’t urgent, consider asking them by email or at a later date, to save time. Full day rehearsals are exhausting for the directing team. You can make their life easier (and therefore keep them from getting too grumpy) by doing several things.
- Be aware of the schedule, and don’t miss your calls. Don’t be the person everyone is looking for, holding up the rehearsal.
- If you aren’t needed on stage, either watch quietly, or go somewhere else. There is nothing more infuriating for someone running a rehearsal than having to raise their voice over people chatting, and having to say ‘be quiet…’quiet please’ on repeat for hours at a time.
- If you have to leave the rehearsal for any reason, make sure someone knows (ideally the production manager) before you go.
8. Before you leave
Full day rehearsals will often go over the scheduled end time. If you absolutely have to leave at a certain time, let someone know beforehand. When it is finally all done for the day, make sure you take all your belongings, and lend a hand in packing up. The last thing the production team wants to spend their evening doing is picking up food wrappers and lost property – they are just as keen as you are to get home.
Bonus tip: Reset your rehearsal bag when you get home
This is my number one tip for staying organised during rehearsal season! Even when you’re exhausted from a long day, take 2 mins to reset your bag when you get home. Replace your emergency kit, find the prop you promised to look for, take out your food (you don’t want to find a dead banana in a week!), and pop dirty clothes in the wash.
If your next rehearsal is the next day, repack everything you need before you go to bed to save you time in the morning.
I hope you found this guide useful, and that it will make your future full day rehearsals more fun and easier to get through. Send it to someone who needs to up their rehearsal game!
About the Author
Georgia Aussenac is a Singing Coach specialising in fostering confidence, joy and fun for adults looking to make singing a part of their lives.
Georgia also coaches English-speaking singers and voice teachers on French diction.
With a particular passion for everything vocal health, Georgia offers Vocal SOS coaching to anyone who uses their speaking voice professionally and is struggling to keep up with the demands of their job.
You can work with Georgia online from anywhere in the world, as long as your schedules match up!
Cet article How to survive a full day rehearsal est apparu en premier sur GL Voice.
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